Congratulations on your conversation's health status.
It looks like the two of you have done a great job:
Starting conversations in a gentle manner
Managing your emotional responses
Acknowledging and Validating your partner’s feelings
And seeing things from each other's point of view.
However, Conversation Health, just like our physical health can take a turn for the worse at any point if our life, especially in times of stress and chaos. It is important to be aware of the state of your conversations throughout your entire relationship and have regular conversation health checkups.
Some things to be aware of:
Avoidance of Conflict:
If your partner seems to not be bringing up issues that may need to be addressed, this may be an indication of avoidance of conflict. Although no issues being brought up could be a great sign that things are going swimmingly in your relationship – it could also be a sign that there may be some problems that are being avoided. If this is true, it could cause resentment and ultimately lead to significant distance coming between the two of you.
How to Check:
Pay careful attention - If your partner gives an indication that they are dissatisfied about something, it may come across as a slight shift in the tone of their voice, facial expressions or body language. An eye-roll or even a grunt or sigh are usually key indicators of dissatisfaction.
What to Do:
If this happens – be sure not to attack the action, but instead, when the time is right, be genuinely curious by asking if this is something that bothers them? If you are in the middle of something, you might need to ask if it’s something the two of you can talk about later.
Always remember – “Don’t look for trouble where it isn’t”. If your partner says there is not an issue – you need to believe them and move on. After all, things may just be going really well for the two of you.
If you notice YOURSELF Avoiding conflict:
If you notice that you are not bringing up issues - be sure to check in with your emotions to see if there is any fear, shame, worry or other “catabolic emotions” causing you to hold back when expressing your needs and what is important to you. If you feel you are holding back (especially on reoccurring topics/issues) it is a good idea to ask your partner if it is a good time to talk about something and then bring your issue to the table is an short and sweet manner.
I'm Sheri Maass, your LOVE Coach
Before we go any further, let me introduce myself…
My true passion in life is studying human behavior and communication, especially as it relates to romantic relationships. I love helping couples become more consciously aware of what is working for them and what is not.
I teach Effective Conversations - a 10 Step Method - to help couples learn to finally truly hear each other and manage their emotions during conversations so they can feel closer and once again enjoy all of their moments together.
Hundreds of couples, just like you, have learned to finally communicate effectively with each other, rebuild trust, intimacy and renew their love in relationship.
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