Yikes your conversation's health status is barely breathing!
With failing communication skills your relationship could easily be suffering from increasing resentment, hurt feelings and distance between the two of you. You may be experiencing a lack of intimacy, closeness, and respect. If this continues, it is highly likely your relationship will self-destruct in the near future.
You are in luck though! You took the quiz and are catching these potential dangers NOW. Early detection may give you enough time to turn your destructive conversation patterns around. It is important to be aware of the state of your conversations throughout your entire relationship and have regular conversation health checkups.
Help is on the Way!
First, check the following symptoms:
Are you or your partner:
Starting conversations in a harsh manner?
Losing your emotional control throughout the conversation – either by feeling hurt and shutting down or by becoming loud or getting angry?
Not feeling heard or acknowledged. Not validating Problems and feelings that are brought up?
Unable to see the other person's point of view and understand where they are coming from?
1. Starting conversations. If one of your symptoms, is Conversations that begin harshly, here is some helpful advice:
What to Do:
The way we start a conversation can set the stage for the entire trajectory and, ultimately, the outcome of the entire discussion. If we feel any frustration or annoyance before we speak to our partner – this will need to be shifted before we even utter a word.
Tips to Shift into a Healthy Startup:
1. Take a deep breath before speaking.
2. Check in with yourself – “Am I feeling frustrated about this issue or are there other situations that have laid the groundwork for my frustration first”?
3. Ask yourself – “Is this an ongoing issue that needs to be solved or a one-time occurrence that may never happen again”?
4. Give the Benefit of Doubt – Tell yourself that your partner is not doing this to frustrate you or cause you any pain, harm or make your life harder.
5. Be Curious – If you assume your partner has no ill intentions then quickly move into investigative mode. What would be a good reason they could have for this situation occurring?
6. Ask if it is a good time – Before starting in on the problem, be sure to ask your partner if this is a good time to talk. Accept No for an answer (without taking it personally) BUT do be sure that they give you a time that will work.
7. Start with “I” or “I feel” – When addressing the issue with your partner – be sure to start the sentence with something similar to “I’m having a hard time with ….”
While bringing up ongoing issues is necessary to the evolution of the relationship and key to building bond, closeness and intimacy – not every little thing that bothers you needs to be brought up. Use discernment when addressing issues. Pick your battles wisely.
Always check in on your own intentions! Be sure you are bringing up issues to be solved in order to make the relationship better and NOT just to get your way or to control a situation or circumstance. Sometimes the solutions/compromises that are achieved are not the ones you expect. Be open to the two of you playing together to find something that is a win-win for everyone involved.
For help in other symptoms …..
I'm Sheri Maass, your LOVE Coach
Before we go any further, let me introduce myself…
My true passion in life is studying human behavior and communication, especially as it relates to romantic relationships. I love helping couples become more consciously aware of what is working for them and what is not.
I teach Effective Conversations - a 10 Step Method - to help couples learn to finally truly hear each other and manage their emotions during conversations so they can feel closer and once again enjoy all of their moments together.
Hundreds of couples, just like you, have learned to finally communicate effectively with each other, rebuild trust, intimacy and renew their love in relationship.
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